In this episode, I’m joined by Essence Turner, a radical forgiveness and self love coach, for a special extended conversation about emotions and feelings. Essence shares a valuable lesson about where our feelings come from, why they matter, and how we can all strive to feel our feelings productively.
What We’re Talking About: Understanding How Feelings Fit Into Our Lives
Throughout Essence’s life, she has struggled with the trauma she experienced at a young age and the abandonment issues that this trauma gave her. It wasn’t until she realized just how deep these emotions were affecting her entire life that she understood what her true calling was. Working through her own emotional issues first, Essence honed her knowledge on how emotions and feelings genuinely impact every single aspect of our lives, and now she is able to channel that knowledge into helping other women overcome their own struggle with trauma and emotional immaturity.
“Feelings are a real true part of our human experience.”
Balancing the different versions of yourself
Essence follows the mindset that there are four different versions of ourselves that we need to balance and pay attention to. Our mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional self. These four different selves represent different aspects of our life, health, relationships, and work, and they can all impact one another when one self gets too much attention or another self falls into neglect. For many women, their mental self reigns supreme, telling them to ignore other aspects of themselves, especially their emotional self.
“Your mental self can damage your relationship to the other parts of yourself because she’s always putting her two cents in.”
Showing up for your emotions
If we bottle up our emotions and our feelings, we will never be able to understand them or heal from them. Essence believes that it is only through giving ourselves the time to let the emotions we’re feeling wash over us that we actually can build our emotional maturity and show up for ourselves. Through blocking out time to feel these emotions, we can stop restricting our emotional self, learn to process our trauma, and build a stronger foundation for our future feelings to be expressed.
“If you give yourself over to the tears and just be with them, they’re going to move through you and wash over you just like an ocean wave. When you resist it, it’s gonna stick.”
Learning when to let go
Just like learning to feel, we also have to learn to let go of our feelings when they no longer serve us. Processing the emotions we feel can take a long time, but when the time is right, these feelings need to be allowed to be set free. Essence firmly stands by the idea that each emotion should be like a visitor, stopping by for a while to see you and then leaving when they no longer need to stay.
“Any emotions are welcome to visit me, no emotion is welcome to set their bags down and take root and take over.”
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